• Empower women who have been affected by domestic violence. 
• Meet the needs of women and children affected by domestic violence.
• Provide services run by women which are based on listening to survivors.
• Challenge the disadvantages which result from domestic violence.
• Support and reflect diversity and promote equality of opportunity. 
• Promote cohesive inter-agency responses to domestic violence and develop partnerships.
  

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Information for Partners, Family and Friends

If a woman chooses to tell you that she has been raped/ abused then she is investing a lot of trust in you. Your reactions are important. The attitudes and responses of those closest to a woman who has been raped have the capacity to either extend the crisis, or to help her to deal with it. Above all, a woman who has been raped needs:

·         To be believed;

·         To be told it is not her fault;

·         To be listened to;

·         To be allowed the time and space to make her own decisions about how to deal with it.

It is normal for you to be upset, angry and confused. You may feel a strong urge to "do something" about the rape. You may wonder whether she could have done something to prevent the rape, or you may feel guilty that you didn't protect her from what happened. You may have a strong urge to "take charge" in order to protect her.

You might want to catch the rapist and punish him yourself - revenge is a common reaction. All these feelings are understandable, but they are your feelings and you are not the one who was raped. If your feelings, such as the desire for revenge, are expressed in an obsessive or hurtful way, they can interfere with the emotional healing of the survivor. If you are feeling angry at the woman, then you are holding her unfairly responsible for what happened.

Society in general blames women for abuse(instead of the perpetrator) and denies women the support they deserve. If you are blaming her then it might help to look at you own attitudes and emotional responses. Reading the section on Myths and Facts about abuse on this site might help you.

You may well feel helpless and frustrated and these feelings are real and painful. You will need support and understanding for how you feel about the rape. But it is not appropriate for you to expect or demand this support from the rape survivor - family, friends and counsellors are available for that purpose. It is important for you to allow a woman who has been sexually assaulted to make her own decisions and for you to support those decisions. If you are available for her to talk to when she needs to and if you are listening to her in a truly non-judgmental and sympathetic way, then your support and love will be invaluable.

What You Can Do If You Are Raped ?

24 hours a day for counselling, support, information or advocacy. If you intend to report the rape to the police they advise you not to shower, clean your teeth or change your clothing. Making an initial report does not mean you have to go ahead with the process. It is up to you.

Reporting the Rape

You may decide that you want the police to take action about the sexual assault. The decision whether or not to report your rape to the police must be your decision. Ilitha Labantu Lay Counsellor/ Social workers will support you with whatever decision you make.

Myths and Facts about Rape

There are many myths and prejudices which hide the truth about rape. Myths disguise the truth that all women, from young children to very old women, are vulnerable to sexual assault; that boys and men get raped, and that the only person responsible is the person who commits the crime.

We carry the following messages around in our heads, and, if we are raped, we can often feel ashamed, guilty and responsible for the attack.

MYTH	FACT
1. "Nice women don't  get raped".	1. There is actually no such thing as a particular "kind of woman" who gets raped. Women of all ages, classes, races, religions and marital status are raped.
2. "When a woman says no she really means yes", or that "she enjoyed it", that she even "asked for it".	2. Rape is a deeply humiliating and terrifying experience that no woman ever asks for or enjoys.
3. Rape is accepted in my culture.	3.  No culture finds rape acceptable.
4.  Men rape because they get sexually aroused and then can't control themselves.	4. Many rapists have admitted to planning the rape ahead of time.
5. Myth: Rape is about sex.	5. Rape is not about sex. It is about power, violence and intimidation. This particular myth keeps sexual assault in the sphere of sex and minimizes the responsibility of the rapist for the crime. Men can, and mostly, do take responsibility for their sexual activity in our community.